Fred 66

Issue 66

Magazine

CA               Happy Valentine's Day Folks!

 h   on   t    j     on the r   !  Anyw    elc  e    an
is  f FR D, m       f  of      mo     w   L     aw    n     m
o   w      er.  G lp.

Co  n      a  d       f      iss e 6      F  D   ,      w  hi
      C    h        I     di       o     ti     s  f    all
    I       ,     ng           f    or      this!  M    f    hi
     r      at          ,  s gh   Ne    m      eh?

Af      t   s,         (o        f        o h  !

A ywa ,      e    n    jo    ac   ew    f      ast month
i       Co    w th         fa     v     errr.      I    as    ,
f   is   h     f   In   g     ers (!)     ha     ev    a    r
   j     h...     Sa  y,  ma    h       best        I   s
 r, su       sh     an    n   on????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
CA                        Tee hee hee

Only joking, everyone.  It all works really.  I couldn't think
of a start, and some nice person told me to "write a load of
rubbish as usual".  So I did, literally.  Ho ho ho.

Anyway, welcome to yet another edition of FRED.  I haven't got
any contributions yet, but no fear because I'm expecting a
gigantic parcel of wondrous discs in the next couple of days.

Once again the disc company have made a mess of getting FRED
done.  It's a shame, because they've always been really good,
but two months in a row is a disgrace.  I work so very, very
hard for hours on end, working well beyond what is humanly
possible, for piddly pay, and then the disc company selfishly
get taken over.  I don't know.  You'd think that they'd wait a
few days.  Well, they won't be geting FRED's business any more.
Yeah, that'll teach them.  Erm, yeah.



CA                        Robert Dies

Stefan Drissen told me a nice little story the other day.
Apparently Andrew Collier had sent Stefan, Robert Van Der Veeke
(a SAM graphics artist) and Martijn Groen (programmer with a
strangely spelt first name) some colour screens of the latest
SAM & Speccy show.  Robert was looking through the screens when
he recognised my FRED jumper that my gran knitted me.  He asked
Stefan if my gran had knitted the same jumper for my sister, or
niece, or some other girl related to me!  The swine.  How on
Earth could he mistake me for a girl???  Stefan tells me that it
was probably the shadows that were in the picture.  Yes, that'll
be what it is.  Sob.

If ANYONE calls me a girl, or Mrs. Anderton, or Coline, or
anything equally unfunny at the next show, then I'll feed them
to the ravenous beast that is hidden underneath the Gloucester
hall.  One young lad was fed to it at the last show for simply
pointing out that I had a bit of marmite on my lip.  He won't be
saying that again.  Mwa ha ha ha.

CA                           Ooer

Valentine's day is coming up.  What a load of rubbish it all is,
though.  If you don't send some b- hang on, I got into trouble
for that.  If you don't send a nice girl a card, then you've got
no chance, and if you do, then you're instantly the biggest fool
in the universe, and you won't hear the end of it for a decade.
It's not fair is it?

Rumours are afoot, however, that Colin Macdonald has sent a
valentine's card to Carol Vorderman.  After failing to meet
Cilla Black when he went to auditions for Blind Date, he's set
his sights on Carol, mainly because he likes intelligent women.
If this fails, he is said to be aiming for his second fave, Anne
Robinson from Points of View.
                                           ** **
                                          *  *  *
                                          *     *
                                           *   *
                                            * *
                                             *
CA                      Thicky Anderton

Well, in lovely Nottingham, I've just had exams.  Gulp.  Due to
a severe lack of revision, and some impossible exam questions,
I've got a horrible feeling I could have failed a couple of
exams.  Hopefully, I'll scrape through this semester without
having to do any re-takes, but that'll teach me for thinking I
know all there is to know about maths.

Still, I was comforted somewhat by a few inches of snowfall
(hurrah).  When I was in Evesham over Christmas, it seemed like
everywhere in England had snow apart from crummy little Evesham.
Much to my dismay, it seemed as if I would go another winter
without snow, but, just as I was giving up hope, it snowed in
Nottingham. Much joy was shared as students lobbed snowballs
through other people's windows (I had no part in this
skulduggery, obviously) and at taxi's and other people.  It
wasn't quite so much fun walking to dinner, when some people who
were hiding on the roof found great amusement chucking snowballs
onto innocent passers-by (eg. me).

CA                       Bored?  Nah.

And now, after the hectic exam week, I've got a week and a half
off.  A week and a half to do with what I like - at the expense
of all you tax-payers out there (ho ho ho).  So, I've spent a
week of this doing everything and anything.  I tidied my room,
almost giving one of the cleaners a heart attack (my room does
tend to get a teensy bit messy every now and again).  I've spent
a bit more time exploring the Internet, but not actually finding
anything exciting (except the SAM WWW page of course) and I've
been able to mail people again.

Until now, I haven't played with my SAM much.  Eight of us had a
game of Chaos, and everyone marvelled at my new disc drive,
which everyone agreed is a beautiful addition.  I've also spent
a few hours on my neighbours Amiga (spit) beating everyone at
Sensible Soccer as Lincoln City.  But apart from that, all I've
done is sleep and wander around Nottingham looking for pictures
of Home And Away's Shannon (what a "nice girl").


CA         Our House, In the Middle Of The Street...

FRED has found itself a new home for next year, and a wonderful
place it looks like it will be too.  Six people from Uni and I
have found a house in Nottingham which we're going to move into
next year.  It's not actually built yet, but Mr. and Mrs.
Czzzzzzdodgeypeople-smythe told us that it will be finished and
that we shouldn't worry at all about giving them a £200 deposit.
They also pointed out that contracts are just bits of paper and
aren't worth bothering with.

Still, the good news is that I've got the loft, or as I like to
call it, the Penthouse Suite.  It's the biggest room by far, so
I'll have plenty of room to throw discs around and lose FRED
master copies.

Even better is the address.  We'll be living at 1, Albert
Square!  What a wonderful address.  Actually, now I think about
it, it does seem a bit strange.  It really would be embarrassing
if they ripped us off, and we had to tell Esther Rantzen all
about it.  Cripes, how silly.
CA                        Idea Corner

After reading a, erm, a friend's copy of Loaded (gulp), I
noticed what immense fun they had in visiting lots of their
readers in their reader's locals, and got round to thinking what
a wonderful idea that would be.  Colin and I could hire a car,
spend a few quid out of the FRED bank account and visit around
500 readers in a matter of days.  Colin isn't going for it
though, claiming it would cost him "a lot of money" and that the
police are apparently not too keen on people driving after
consuming vast amounts of alcohol (?).

If anyone has any other bright ideas that they think may be
possible, then get in touch and we'll try and do something.
Colin M says that the readers couldn't think of an idea if it
implanted itself in their brains, but I'm sure you can all prove
him wrong...




CA                           News

First of all, a date for your diaries - the date of the next SAM
and Speccy show.  Once again, the show will be in Qudegeley
village hall, and will be on:

                  SATURDAY the 20th of APRIL

You should have about two months to find a way of getting there,
so no excuses.  We are expecting a record number of SAM and
Speccy companies at this one, so a trip there will be well
worthwhile.  All the SAM programmers, editors (yahoo),
musicians, etc. will be there as usual, all ready and waiting to
be bullied into writing a routine, or giving a cheap advert, or
simply answering your questions.  Matt Round should be there,
either to help sell his latest release, Retros, or to celebrate
the fact that it's a year late.

I've spoken to John Ketley, the weatherman, and he assures me
that both days of the weekend will be perfect sunshine, but not
too hot to make driving unbearable.  We'll see you there!
CA          GOOD RESPONSE TO PLEA!  EDITOR SHOCKED!

After a little plea last month for issues of Your Sinclair and
Crash and things for the SAM story book (as in "SAM story" book,
not SAM "Story-book"), surprise, surprise - it worked!  Colin
has got plenty of issues of them, but would now like help from
people in finding out which issues have the most important
snippets of news in them.  As he has a million things going on
at once, Colin doesn't really have time to look through them
all.  So, if anyone can find out where important bits are, a
letter/phone call (evenings only) would be most appreciated.

Following on the topic of books, Steven Ekins from Jupiter
Software, is writing a book on SAM C.  If anyone has any
suggestions or particular problems, then let him know.  The
address to write to is:
                          Jupiter Software,
                          [redacted]

CA                           News

As you may know, Steve Pick, famous for his wonderful pieces of
SAM art is working on a SAM encyclopedia.  In this he wants to
put a sort of FRED companion.  If anyone is available to help
him put bits together and find out information, then they can
get in touch at the following address:

                          Steve Pick,
                          [redacted]

Despite a poor response to the FRED packs, the Best Of FRED disc
has had a good sales boost in just it's first two weeks.  At
only £2, the Best Of FRED is an essential addition to any good
SAM disc box.  What can I say, except if you don't buy it,
you're making a big mistake.  Who can afford not to get it?

CA                       Disc Contents

Just to shock everybody, I'm going to be organised this month
and introduce each of the disc contents... IN ORDER!  Here we
go...

In slot C, we continue and conclude the Alton Towers Piccies
with another six wonderful shots, all scanned and converted by
Allan Clarkson.

Slot D contains two very useful C libraries.  The first allows
you to use a mouse for programs written in C, using Steve
Taylor's mouse driver.  To use it, load SAM C, then quit to
basic.  Load Steve's mouse driver code and then press F7 to
return to SAM C.  You can then program and compile your
wonderful mouse programs.  When you have your compiled code and
you want to run it you must have the mouse driver code also
loaded.



CA                       DisC Contents

                           FUNCTIONS

mpointer(n) - change the pointer (0 off, upto 6).
mcontrol(n) - change control to keyboard, joystick or mouse.
mbutton()   - returns which mouse button/s are being pressed.
getmx()     - returns the mouse pointer's x value.
getmy()     - returns the mouse pointer's y value.
movex(x)    - changes the pointer's x value.
movey(y)    - changes the pointer's y value.
movexy(x,y) - changes both of the x and y values of the pointer.

All of these functions are more explained in the MOUSE.C file.

The second library is for sin and cos.  These can be used in SAM
C for innacurate purposes like plotting onto the screen.  The
functions use a static variable which contains the values of sin
and cos for different degrees.

To be able to multiply integers by non-integers, Luke has used
CA                       Disc Contents

the following method:
    if a=50*.25
    then a=(50*25)/100   All integers

For this reason, the sin and cos functions are of the form

int sin(int number, int degree)

where n is the number you are multiplying the sin by, and degree
is the degree of the sin.

Eg. for a=10*sin(50)
use  a=sin(10,50)

On the disc are the following files:

"sin&cos.c" - sin and cos functions and how to use them
"sin dem2.c" - source code for the sin demo
"sin de.BIN" - object code for sin demo
CA                       Disc Contents

The two libraries are from Luke Falla, so thanks to him for
them.  If anyone was unsure of getting SAM C because they are
not sure how well they can use it, then listen to this for a
quote from Luke:

"I think SAm C is starting to look very good, and already I
prefer programming C on the Sam to on the PC.  It has a lot
better libraries, and the SAM is generally a lot easier to work
with."

Thanks, Luke.


Zoinks is a little game from Matt Round, knocked up in a couple
of days.  If anyone remembers the little games in calculators
where you had to zap the numbers (I don't), then you'll
recognise this.  If you don't, you'll soon catch on.  Thanks,
Matt.

CA                       Disc Contents

Next up we have a little demo from Rob Pain.  It's nothing
spectacular, but is nicely written and is hopefully the start of
some wonderful coding.  Cheers, Rob.

Captain Cosmic comes blasting at you from the furthest depths of
the Galaxy in slot G.  Written by Victor Cooper, you have to fly
Captain Cosmic through the levels of enemy mayhem.  To advance a
level, all you have to do is shoot the LEVEL+ sign.  However,
shooting enemies gives you more points and advanced skills.  If
you don't cheat, then it's got a great difficulty level.  As an
added bonus, you can also fly around the menu screen!  Anyway,
advance through the levels onto the main zone, then get to the
levers and let the blue splodey man drop off the screen, and
you've won.  Some rooms seem impossible to get out of without
losing a life, but by being clever, you can do it.

Due to what I think are SAM BASIC bugs (shocker!), this game
won't compress. It's far too long, but I'm putting it on because
I've spent ages failing to compress it and I won't let it win!
CA                       Disc Contents

'The' Interview this month is with Football League Manager and
Grubbing For Gold programmer, David Handley.

E-Tunes are from David Laundon.  They're all very good,
especially the Cities Of Gold which will probably take a few
people back to their child-hood memories of watching telly after
school.  I must apologise for the lack of a scrolly this month.
I had written one, and I was very pleased with it for once, but
due to a disc error and me being a spoon and not having a
back-up, it can't be used.  I don't have time to re-write it,
but expect a bumper scrolly next month to make up for it.
Sorry...

Jellytext from Matt Round is a SAM Street special.  The next
episode has a great cliffhanger ending, and all your views would
be gratefully received.

Ninecard is a nice little game written in SAM C.  Although I
should maybe have put this in Bits, I think it's very well
CA                       Disc Contents

written, but simple enough to be a lot of use for people
learning SAM C to look at.  Many thanks go to Paul Eyre for this
little gem.  I wonder if I can talk him into writing a little C
article...

Adverts are once again from paying companies, so you won't find
any cheap, shoddy rubbish in there.  Please do take a look -
these companies have paid money to grab your attention.

In bits n Bobs, we have a screen compressor from Andrew Collier.
If you remember the Gloucester piccies last month, then you'll
know that they had a different compression system.  They were
done using this program.  It has a much better compression than
the current one, but at the moment is slower.  Depending on
whether you want space or speed, the choice is yours.

Secondly, we have a simple lottery predictor by Doug Young.
I've had a few of these but this is the only small one.
Unfortunately, it got tonights draw completely wrong.  Sob.
CA                     Thanks Very Much

EDITOR: COLIN 'Menu Screen God' ANDERTON
BLOKE : COLIN 'Two Companies' MACDONALD

With undying gratification to :
                                       ****************
    Luke Falla    John Eyre           *    * *  *    * *
    Matt Round    Allan Clarkson      ***  **   ***  * *
      Rob Pain    Doug Young          *    * *  *    * *
 Victor Cooper    Phil Glover         *    * *  ***  **
Andrew Collier    Martin Wilson       ====Publishing====
  Dave Handley    Paul Walker
 David Laundon    Michael Stocks

FRED disc magazine is available from : FRED Publishing,
                                       [redacted]

    Please keep writing and
          contributing
    ***********************                            P.T.O ->
DY             Music Reviews (wow!) by Doug Young

Meatloaf - Welcome To The Neighbourhood
Running time - 58 minutes 42 seconds
Number of tracks - 12   Price 8.99/-12.99

As I am a fairly big Meatloaf fan I expected this album to be of
a high quality and to last a fair while. Well it does last
almost an hour, which is a lot for an album (  most  being  only
around the 40 minute mark).

The first track is , where the rubber meets the road.

This track is a very good example of a  classic  rock  'n'  roll
song, it has all of the excellent construction of a  great  song
and a certain amount of flare along with it, thus  making  it  a
really tremendous song.it lasts 4 minutes and 59 seconds. 9/10.

Next is the pretty successful single  ,  i'd  lie  for  you  and
that's the truth, which reached number 2 in the chart  and  sold
well over half a million copies. It's a  very  well  constructed
DY                           Music

song and sounds great, the video was tremendous too. It lasts  6
minutes and 30 seconds. 10/10

Next is , original  sin,  this  is  quite  good  and  a  typical
meatloaf track. Lasting 6 minutes and 10 seconds. 8/10

Next is, 45 seconds of ecstasy, this is some  woman  remembering
an evening with a man when she enjoyed herself with him  (  well
this is going in to a family magazine, what do you expect me  to
write ? ). It lasts 1 minute 10  seconds,  so  that's  why  it's
called 45 seconds of ecstasy. 4/10

Next up is definetly the best track off of the whole  album,  it
being, runnin' for the red light. This track slowly builds up to
an electric pace and then explodes, and  then  it  continues  to
progress into a state of electrifing brilliance ( anyone get the
hint that I love this track ? ).

The lyrics are cool as hell ( something pretty  common   amongst
DY                           Music

most of his songs ), the guitars are strong, the drums  are,  as
usual, loud as hell and the vocals are very  good.The  only  bad
thing about this track is that it only lasts 3  minutes  and  57
seconds. Of coarse 10/10.

Next is ( wait for it ), fiesta de las almas perdidas,  this  is
an instrumental, it is performed by all sorts of instruments  nd
it is either  spanish  or  mexican  and  means  something  about
paradise.It lasts 1 minute and 24 seconds. 3/10

Left in the dark, comes next. This is the longest track  on  the
album ( nothing compared to , paradise on the  dashboard  light,
which lasts over 15 minutes!  )  and  has  the  strongest  vocal
performance. The song  is  fairly  good  but  is  a  bit  soppy,
althought it has a good ending. It lasts 7 minutes and 8 seconds
8/10

Next is, not a dry eye in the house, this is a very good song, a
bit like ,original sing, but not  quite  a  fast  or  loud.  The
DY                           Music

vocals  are  again  pretty  impressive  and  the  piano/keyboard
sections are perfect. It lasts 5 minutes and 46 seconds 7/10

Next is , amnesty is granted, i promise you that you  will  love
this song, it starts off with a really brilliant guitar and drum
intro and then is  poured into a  pot  full  to  the  brim  with
exploding lyrics , and net result ? another great song.  Lasting
6 minutes and 29 seconds.9/10

Next up is a song with a quite short title , if this is the last
kiss, let's make it last all night (  13  words  ).  This  is  a
typical  classic  rock  song  which  has  been  blended  with  a
typically classic love song and then been jazzed up  a  bit  and
this has resulted n a pretty  good  love/rock  song.It  lasts  4
minutes and 5 seconds. 9/10

What follows is another love song and it goes by  the  (  a  bit
shorter than the last one ! ) name of , martha. I  don't  really
like this song very much, but then again I don't  hate  it  very
DY                           Music

much either so what can I say, well it's about average. Lasts  5
minutes and 10 seconds. 5/10

Finally is ,Where angels sing, this another love type/ rock song
and is again pretty well done ( although I have to admit it does
sound a hell of a lot better on high speed dubbing, reason being
that the guitars are well too slow  on  this  song.  )  Lasts  6
minutes and 4 seconds 8/10

Rapping it up.

Well it is an album by Meatloaf that is a very typical  Meatloaf
album,  it  has  flare  and  excitement,  it  has  surprise  and
suspense, but most of all it has great songs, although there are
a few not to good ones, but there aren't any really bad ones.

                           Rating 89%


DY                      Meatloaf Fan...

As I have just reviewed meatloaf album I think that it  is  only
right for me to review another one, and that would of coarse  be
his best album.

Bat out of hell 2 - Back into hell price 8.99/12.99
Tracks 11

First track is the shear brilliant ' i  would  do  anything  for
love , but i won't do that. This song topped  the  chart  for  8
weeks and sold a  lot  of  copies.  Putting  it  bluntly  it  is
completely perfect. Lasts over 12 minutes 10/10

Next is, if life is a lemon, I want my money  back,  this  is  a
very  good  song  and  has  a  election  of   brilliant   guitar
performances,  infact  most  of  the   song   is   just   guitar
combinations,strange that. It lasts over 7 minutes. 9/10

Next is another song that was released a single, rock  and  roll
dreams  come  through.  This  is  again  totally  brilliant,  it
DY                           Music

combines the write lyrics and brilliant harmonies. Lasts over  6
and a half minutes. 10/10

Next is, it just won't quit, this is a very loud  song,  i.e  aa
lot of drums being played. The lyrics are once again  very  well
written and so is the music. Lasts about 6 minutes 9/10

The 5th track is, out of the frying pan and into the  fire.  For
me this is the best track on the whole album.  It  is  loud  and
brilliant from the very beginning to the very  end,  lyrics  and
music are both perfectly combined. This lasts  about  6  minutes
10/10

Next is, objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer  than
they  are.  This  song  was  another  single  and  surprise   is
brilliant, but it also had a  great  video,  something  that  is
pretty common amongst videos  from  Meatloaf.It  lasts  over  12
minutes 10/10

DY                           Music

Next up is wasted youth, this isn't really a song on  it'7s  own
it is really the start of the following song,  but  it  is  very
well created, from the shivering lyrics to the shuddering sounds
that just appear to come crashing down around you. It last about
2 and a half minutes 10/10

Next is everything louder than everything  else,  as  the  title
suggests  this  song  relies very   much   on   strong   musical
performences, although there are great lyrics  again.  It  lasts
just about 9 minutes 10/10

Next is good girls go to heaven, bad girls go  everywhere,  this
has a rather wierd bagpipe bit at the beginning,  but  for  some
reason it works well with the whole song.This song has the  best
lyrics and is great.It lasts about 9 minutes.10/10

The 10th track is back into hell, this is an instrumental  which
has pieces of all of the previous songs in  it  along  with  new
pieces, and it is very well created, most enjoyable. It lasts  a
DY                           Music

short time, that being 2 and a half minutes 10/10

The last track is good boys and golden girls, this is  the  only
track off of the whole album  that  isn't  perfect,  it  is  the
slowest song off of the album and also the  quietest.  It  lasts
about 5 minutes 8/10

                            Overall

Well if you couldn't guess what rating that i'm  going  to  give
this album I would be quite surprised. It is great and a definet
progression from Bat out of hell ( which was released in 1978  )
all of the songs will put you in seventh  heaven.  If  you  like
Meatloaf, you will love this album; if you  don't  really  think
much about him,well you will still love it.

                           Rating 98%

----------------------------------------------------------------
DY                       CINEMA REVIEWS

GOLDENEYE, CERTIFICATE 21, RUNNING TIME 130 MINS

THIS IS THE 17TH JAMES BOND MOVIE AND  IS  CLEARLY  ONE  OF  THE
BEST YET.

IT HAS ALL OF THE ORIGINAL PARTS THAT MADE UP THE GOOD PARTS OFF
ALL OF THE PREVIOUS BOND FILMS, ALTHOUGH THEY HAVE  BEEN  JAZZED
UP FOR THE 90S.

IT HAS BEEN 6 YEARS SINCE THE LAST BOND  FILM  ,  THAT  BEING  ,
LICENCE TO KILL, WHICH STARRED TIMITHY DALTON  AS  BOND  IN  HIS
SECOND FILM.DALTON QUIT THE ROLE OF BOND AFTER THIS FILM,  SO  A
REPLACEMENT WAS REQUIRED AND THAT  ROLE  WAS  FILLED  BY  PIERCE
BROSNAN.

PIERCE IS BRILLIANT AS BOND, HE BEATS ALL OF THE OTHER  PREVIOUS
ACTORS WHO HAVE PLAYED BOND, EXCEPT SEAN CONNERY HO IS ABOUT THE
SAME AS. HE MAY END UP BETTER THAN SEAN AFTER A FEW MORE FILMS.

AS USUAL THE BOND FILMS HAVE BOND GIRLS, ONE BEING GOOD AND  THE
OTHER BEING BAD.

THE BAD IS PLAYED BY FAMKE JANSSEN ,  WHO  IS  THE  CHARACTER  ,
XANIA ONATOPP. SHE HAS A VERY UNIQUE WAY OF KILLING MEN AND THAT
IS BY SQUEEZING THEM TO DEATH WITH HER LEGS, AN INTERESTING  AND
PLEASURABLE WAY TO DIE. FANKE IS EXCELLENT AS THE EVIL BADDIE.

THE GOOD GIRL AND ONE OF BONDS LOVERS IS IZABELLA SCORUPCO,  WHO
HAS BRAINS AS WELL AS A BODY. UNLIKE PREVIOUS  BOND  GIRLS,  WHO
ONLY SEEMED TO GET IN THE WAY, IZABELLA  HAS  TO  HELP  BOND  TO
COMPLETE HIS MISSION.

AS USUAL THERE IS A REAL EVIL BAD GUY, AND THAT PERSON IS PLAYED
BY SEAN BEAN, WHO PLAYS JAMES'S OLD PARTNER, 006.
006 IS SICK OF 007 ALWAYS BEING THE ONE THAT  GETS  ALL  OF  THE
GLORY, SO HE TURNS AGAINST BOND AND TRYS IN MANY  WAYS  TO  KILL
HIM. BEAN'S PERFORMANCE IS GREAT.

THE FILM HAS THE USUAL INTRODUCTION , THAT BEING WHEN THE  THEME
PLAYS AND THERE ARE  A  LOAD  OF  NAKED  WOMEN  DANCING  IN  THE
BACKGROUND.

THE MUSIC IS BY TINA TURNER AND IS ONE OF THE BEST BOND  THEMES,
THE BEST BEING LIVE AND LET DIE ( THE GUNS N  ROSES  VERSION  IS
BETTER THOUGH ).
                            OVERALL

THE  FILM  HAS  EXCELLENT  STUNTS,  SOME  OF  WHICH  REALLY  ARE
BREATHTAKING, THE WOMEN ARE GOOD  AS  WITH  ALL  OF  THE  ACTING
PERFORMENCES AND THE PLOT IS GREAT.

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST  BOND  FILMS  EVER  MADE  AND  I  REALLY
THINK YOU SHOULD GO AND SEE IT.

                           RATING 95%
----------------------------------------------------------------
ACE VENTURA:WHEN NATURE CALLS  93 MINUTES

THIS IS THE SECOND ACE VENTURA FILMS AND STARS THE BRILLIANT JIM
CARREY.

JIM CARREY ONLY GOT PAID 250,000 DOLLARS FOR  ACE  VENTURA:  PET
DETECTIVE, BUT FOR THIS ONE HE GOT PAID 20 MILLION DOLLARS, JUST
A WEE BIT MORE EH!

THE  FILM  OPENS  WITH  A  CLASSIC  MICKY  TAKING   VERSION   OF
CLIFFHANGER, JIM IS TRYING TO SAVE THE LAST SURVIVOR OF A  PLANE
CRASH, WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE A RACCOON.THIS REALLY  PUTS  YOU
INTO THE MOOD OF THE FILM.

THE WHOLE FILM IS A BARREL OF LAUGHS, AND LET ME TELL  YOU  THAT
THE BARREL WOULD HAVE TO BE PRETTY BIG TOO.

ALTHOUGH I SAY IT IS FUNNY IT ISN'T AS GOOD  AS  THE  FIRST  ACE
FILM AND IT IS NO WHERE NEAR THE BRILLIANT DUMB AND DUMBER,  BUT
WHAT IS ?
                            OVERALL

IF YOU LIKE CARREY, YOU LOVE THIS, BUT DON'T EXPECT IT TO BE  AS
GOOD AS DUMB AND DUMBER OR THE FIRST ACE FILM.
IF YOU DON'T REALLY LIKE CARREY, WELL SORRY, YOU'RE  A  BIT  SAD
BUT YOU WILL PROBABLY STILL ENJOY THIS.         RATING 92%

Letters & Reviews

Interview: David Handley

                        'The' Interview

COLIN: He's a SAM programmer, he's written two commercial games,
       he's at university, he HASN'T TAKEN HIS SAM (so deserves
       a good kicking) but I'm sure he sits there and plans
       future releases. He's probably most famous for Football
       League Manager. No, it's not Matt Round. It's actually
       someone called David Handley. Say hello, Dave....

DAVE:  Err, Hi, I couldn't have put that better myself!
       Actually, I probably could but you wouldn't let me would
       you?

COLIN: Pardon? Speak English.

DAVE:  Sorry! I've just about woken up now. It's hard work doing
       all the, erm, SAM related stuff I do in my spare time. In
       fact just this minute I am composing mental notes about
       my next SAM release...

COLIN: Anyway, enough of that. Let's start the questions. You

       started out on the Spectrum, and your first bit of
       programming was when you managed to crack Target Renegade
       and give yourself infinite lives. Is that correct?

DAVE:  If only... My first bit of programming must've been on
       the speccy around 10 years ago. I worked out how to make
       my own UDG's and had two little stick men shooting each
       other in a street full of identical houses. I also tried
       to write a cover version of a song in the charts at the
       time (called 'Solid as a Rock', or something) using the
       BEEP command. I thought it sounded really good when I was
       9 but when listening to it more recently I discovered
       that it sounds more like a 2 Unlimited tune.

COLIN: Bl**dy hell!  I wrote exactly the same program!  Two
       little stick men shooting at each other below two very
       similar (the same infact) brick houses.  Blimey!  Except
       mine had trees in another screen.  Wow, that's wierd.

       Did your Spectrum programming amount to anything serious?

DAVE:  I started writing a Simpson's adventur-ey-type-game in
       which you had to travel to different buildings in the
       town to find items which would help you finish your
       homework. I spent ages on the animation but couldn't be
       bothered finishing the game so I scrapped it. After that
       I noticed the amount of football management games
       released by companies such as D&H and thought I'd have a
       go at writing my own, until I realised just how slow the
       speccy was...

COLIN: How did you get into the SAM?

DAVE:  Like most people, I read about the SAM in Crash and Your
       Sinclair. I wanted one for months but wasn't sure whether
       to risk spending 200 quid on a new machine. Anyway, MGT
       disappeared and the idea of buying a SAM was even more
       daunting, so I did! I even sold my beloved Nintendo to
       raise half of the cash.

COLIN: Hurrah!  What a sound and sensible person you truly are!

       I hear there's a witty story about when you bought your
       SAM. Could you tell us all about it?

DAVE:  I wish there was a witty story. It was boring, I had to
       travel all the way to Bolton because it was the nearest
       place I could find on the SAM advert in Crash. I asked
       the bloke in the shop if I could have a SAM Coupe and he
       stared blankly for a few seconds before replying, 'A
       what?'. Minutes later, after pointing out the SAM box
       sitting on the top shelf, I was the proud owner of a 512K
       SAM with disk drive. Ooooh!

COLIN: What was the first piece of software you used on the SAM?

DAVE:  Hmmm, if you don't include Flash because everyone had it
       then it must've been Prince of Persia. I travelled all
       the way back to Bolton again two weeks later and bought
       it. It wasn't long after that I discovered how much
       simpler it was to buy from a mail order company instead.


COLIN: How did you get round to buying FRED?

DAVE:  I have to admit, I didn't buy FRED until issue 35. I read
       about it in Crash and thought, 'Hmm, I'll buy an issue
       one day', and then thought the same thing the following
       month. Eventually Crash died and the other two were
       facing extinction so I sent off for a single issue. I was
       well impressed!

COLIN: What did you think of FRED in it's early days?

DAVE:  Can you class issue 35 as early? I thought the first few
       issues I read were excellent. There were a lot of really
       good contributions, especially some of the games. Then
       Brian left and things went downhill from there because of
       the new editor. In fact, FRED will never be the same
       again!

COLIN: Did FRED have any influence on your programming on the
       SAM?

DAVE:  Yeah, I had to scrap most of my ideas after subscribing
       to FRED and discovering that they'd all been used before!
       After reading a few issues though, I had to sit down and
       write something worth sending in.

COLIN: Your first contribution to FRED was Xmas Blokit. Where
       did you get the idea for that?

DAVE:  There was a game on the cover of YS called Non Compos
       Mentis II. I thought it was pretty cool so I 'borrowed'
       the idea and wrote Blokit. I sent it in to FRED but it
       wasn't used so I added a bit of holly here, a Christmas
       tree there and used the Xmas theme as a desperate attempt
       to get on the Christmas issue.

COLIN: LCP? was a revolution in Dave Handley software. Where did
       the idea from that come from?

DAVE:  Would you believe me if I said I said the idea came from
       Little Computer People? LCP? was intended to be similar

       to Little Computer People but, yet again, I couldn't be
       bothered finishing it and turned it into a little 'demo'.
       I wouldn't mind completing it at some point though, if I
       still had my SAM with me, of course.

COLIN: Do you think that putting a product as shareware is a
       waste of the programmer's time? I think Colin Piggot only
       got one pound for his Mod to E-Tracker convertor many
       years ago.

DAVE:  It all depends on what the programmer wants to get out of
       the software. Commercial software on the SAM makes little
       money as it is so putting a product out as shareware
       isn't likely to make any money for the programmer.
       However, if they simply want people to use their software
       so that they can build up a good reputation then
       shareware is ideal. I imagine that there is little money
       to be made even on a very popular machine like the PC
       through shareware, due mainly to piracy, so if the
       software is good enough why not sell it commercially?

COLIN: What is the story behind Football League Manager? Where
       did the idea come from?

DAVE:  It started life as that poor attempt at a management game
       I was writing on the Spectrum. It looked a lot like the
       Football Director games in it's early days, which was
       pointless seeing as though I thought Football Director II
       was the best management game for years, so I played
       Premier Manager on the Amiga to give me a few more ideas.
       That's where the icon driven version came from, as well
       as the advertising and a few other things. Do you think
       I'd get away with selling the text version as 'Classic
       FLM' or something?

COLIN: There's bound to be some nutter who'd buy it!

       Were you aware that there was another Football Manager
       game being written at the time?

DAVE:  Not until I'd almost finished FLM! I was hoping the two

       would be released at the same time to provide a bit of
       rivalry, but then came to my senses when I realised that
       another management game wouldn't do the sales of FLM much
       good!

COLIN: Were you surprised at the popularity of FLM (2nd in the
       Best Game category of the recent SAM awards)?

DAVE:  Yes, very surprised! I was pleased with the finished game
       but I honestly didn't think that a football management
       game could be that popular. I'm certainly not going to
       question the accuracy of the awards though!

COLIN: Yeah, you probably rigged them by voting for your own
       game a hundred times.

       You've been doing a lot of work with Matt Round recently.
       How did that come about?

DAVE:  I think I first spoke to Matt when he, being the talented

       SAM programmer that he is, sent me a few suggestions for
       improving FLM. A few months later I put a request for
       game ideas in the Xmas Blokit scroller to which Matt
       replied asking whether I'd be interested in writing a
       Going For Gold spoof. He came up with the game design and
       it carried on from there. It worried me at the last
       Gloucester show though when Matt didn't turn up and
       people were cornering ME and asking when he was going to
       finish Retros!

COLIN: Is it true that you get lots of fan mail (apart from what
       I send)?

DAVE:  Ahh yes. I get all sorts of mail from people asking for
       my signature, ranging from Blackpool Council to British
       Telecom. Out of interest, are those incomprehensible
       E-Mail's I receive as a result of you having too much to
       drink and collapsing at the keyboard? Surely not!

COLIN: Ah.  Erm, shhhh.  Don't know what you're talking about...

       Moving swiftly along, is it also true that when you're
       back at home, you're unable to work on SAM stuff because
       you're chained to a young girl? That you're under the
       thumb? Fight back, Dave! Stick up for yourself.

DAVE:  Ummm, Nope! Not at all. The truth was twisted into a
       vicious rumour. The fact is, I am unable to work on a
       young girl because I'm chained to my SAM. Honest.

COLIN: And then Grubbing For Gold came along. Did Grubbing For
       Gold go as well as you had hoped?

DAVE:  I really didn't know what to expect. Quiz games aren't
       exactly the most popular games genre but with Matt Round,
       Steve Pick and Tom Kincaid's excellent contributions I
       thought it might make it's mark as THE Sam quiz game. A
       number of people who saw the game at the show were
       impressed which kind of makes it all worthwhile, I
       suppose.


COLIN: Were you happy with the interview in FRED? Zodiac gave
       GfG 92%. I suppose you prefer that score.

DAVE:  Do you mean the review in FRED?

COLIN: Shut up.  Some people are so picky.  If you'd have just
       kept quiet, I could have happily changed it before FRED
       went out.  Picky sod.  Just get on with the interview.

DAVE:  I haven't actually read any reviews but I was informed by
       a reliable source that the FRED rating is much lower than
       the Zodiac one so I think Zodiac win in the 'rating I
       will quote to relatives to impress them' category. I
       suppose it depends on the reviewer's tastes. It wouldn't
       be the first SAM game to have been given VERY varied
       ratings by different magazines!

COLIN: Well, that's everything interesting you've done up to
       date. But what do you have to say about speculations that
       you haven't taken your SAM to university? How can you

       live with yourself?

DAVE:  Well (gulp!), there's a perfectly good explanation...
       probably. It's nothing to do with the fact that I have no
       room on my desk due to a PC, not at all. And it's
       certainly not because I don't have a telly to plug it
       into because I'm a tight-fisted Northerner who refuses to
       buy a TV license. Nosireebob! It's because (pause for
       thought) IT'S BROKEN! YES THAT'S IT, IT'S BROKEN BEYOND
       REPAIR and the only way I'll be able to program for the
       SAM again is if someone writes a SAM emulator for the PC
       (That should convince him).

COLIN: Oh, I'm so sorry, Dave.  I though it was because you're a
       tight- well, for another reason.  I'm so so sorry.

       What sort of projects do you have in mind for the future?

DAVE:  If I ever find the time then I'm hoping to start writing
       games for, dare I say it, the PC. I've had some good

       ideas for fairly simple games but there is one in
       particular which I WILL write at some point in the
       future. I'm keeping it a secret though because I love the
       idea and I'd probably die tragically if someone was to
       steal it. You'll just have to wait and see.

ALL:   Hiss, boo.  Don't write for the PC!

COLIN: Fancy doing a FRED menu?

DAVE:  I was going to do a mouse driven menu last year with
       icons next to each option. It would've been really easy
       to write the menu but I don't think anyone would be
       prepared to put the graphics together at the last minute.
       Sorry.

COLIN: And a game?

DAVE:  As a great world leader once said...


       'Give me a SAM emulator and I shall write thee a game!'

       or something slightly similar. I'm sure there are a few
       PC owners out there who'd agree...

COLIN: Well, may your work and play and university go really
       well. And I'll speak to you sometime in the future.
       Tommorrow probably.

       Bye Dave. Many thanks.

DAVE:  Yeah, Bye Col! Before I go, I'd just like to say thanks
       to ...(BANG! Thud)

FANS:  (Sounds of thousands of screaming fans)



Next month: Colin Macdonald does an IMPORTANT interview.....